WARNING: This posting can be triggering and even dangerous to some survivors of trauma-based mind control (ritual abuse). Therefore, you may want to avoid reading this posting and instead consult a trusted therapist or consultant.
For new survivors of ritual abuse and mind control (RA/MC) — those who have started to become aware of their RA/MC history — typical questions might be:
“What’s happening to me?!”
“Am I CRAZY?!”
“Where can I go for help?”
“Who and what is safe?”
“What IS my true history?”
“HOW CAN I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER?!?”
Not many victims remember and, hence, “graduate” to become RA/MC survivors.” If you’re a “survivor,” you probably experienced a sudden flooding of memories…. and then found yourself in a very confusing, upside world with what appears to be very little real help — or no help at all. You may be trying to understand what “ritual abuse” even means and if you really are a RA/MC survivor.
Understand that you were never supposed to remember, so you were never supposed to escape and “heal.” That certainly doesn’t mean that you won’t or can’t heal. Other RA/MC survivors can attest to their healing. That just means that your RA/MC programming was purposely set up to keep you from learning what had happened to you — while protecting the identity of the perpetrators. Additionally, the external environment around you has generally been set up to make you appear delusional if you talk too much.
The intent of this posting is to briefly share some information, ideas and hope for survivors trying to heal from RA/MC. I apologize in advance if some of this information is not 100% clinically accurate. It’s not meant to be clinical. This is simply information that seems difficult to find when survivors first need help. Just know that there is, indeed, help out there. However, you will need to seek it out — in a careful and confidential manner; and healing will take great determination on your part. There are positive things you can do to help yourself start to heal! But, everyone’s situation is different, so you will need to decide whether or not this information is helpful to you.
Those You Thought You Could Trust
First of all, trust and safety are of paramount importance in healing. With that in mind, RA/MC survivors sometimes think it’s best to first reach out to family and old friends for support with this type of sensitive and confusing situation. Unfortunately, the shocking and sad truth is that those are most likely the very people who are part of your “secret” RA/MC history and network. This group(s) or network is commonly referred to as the “cult.” Members of the RA/MC cult network might include others you thought you could trust, too, such as some in the religious, law enforcement, educational, medical and helping professions (including some therapists). Perpetrators may very well be RA/MC victims themselves, which is exactly how they became involved. And, like you, they may not remember their cult activities.
At first, it can feel absolutely unbelievable (horrifying, in fact) to discover that these “trustworthy” people, especially your family and “good” friends, might not be trustworthy after all! You may have literally known them for decades! This can be emotionally painful, overwhelming, and frightening. It can feel like the very foundation or core of you, now known as the “survivor,” is falling apart or separating. Survivor-status can feel scary, confusing, lonely and isolating, to say the very least. This is partly why some “survivors” remain in their situation. They may not want to — or don’t feel they can — give up their families (including children), friends, homes, and jobs to escape from the situation. In addition, a person’s programming is updated from time to time, which is intended to prevent escape.
Of course, you canNOT expect healthy, successful outcomes through people aligned with the cult. But, who are they so that you can avoid them? Because there is a careful cover up of RA/MC and cult members, you will need to use your best discernment about “who is who.” In the meantime, survivors themselves have been carefully programmed with “go tell” and other reporting and self-defeating behaviors. This can be frustrating when you, as a survivor, are trying to escape and heal. However, IF you do want to escape from continued mind control, know that there are allies and support.
Many new survivors start showing symptoms that could definitely look psychiatric and/or oddly physical in nature. Both victims and survivors are often misdiagnosed with incorrect psychiatric disorders and/or physical anomalies (and may have for years). The usual next step, then, is to look to medications, particularly psychiatric medications, to alleviate the situation. In fact, survivors could very well be prescribed a number of different medications at the same time. Of course, some people “self-medicate” through alcohol and illegal drugs. So, do these help a survivor to heal by alleviating the symptoms of PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc.? If so, which ones and how much? Or, do they stop or delay healing? These are decisions you will surely have to face.
Research and Resources
Another option is to conduct research for yourself, such as on the Internet and through self-help resources. Helpful resources are not necessarily obvious. There IS good information out there, but there’s also a great deal of DIS-information and partial truths. Even “good, professionally well-respected” RA/MC information can be absolutely overwhelming due to its volume.
It must also necessarily be addressed that reading, hearing and talking about RA/MC information can be potentially “triggering,” especially to a “new” survivor. Some triggering can be dangerous. It can also cause or exaggerate a number of other symptoms, such as mental confusion, emotional distress, depression, nausea, amnesia, sleepiness…. and lost time. It’s very frustrating to try to learn how to heal when you find that you have difficulty reading / hearing / talking about RA/MC due to the very programming that was been installed inside of you. On the other hand, over time, it’s absolutely possible for triggering to slowly lessen…. as you slowly develop an awareness about your specific triggers.
There is a theory that learning about “other people’s stories” — although normal and quite confirming at times — can also sometimes confuse and delay a survivor to find his or her own story. So, in a “back door” effort, you might also take time to learn about occult symbology, which is NOT considered “other people’s stories.” Learning about occult signs and symbols might help you to start to understand and identify common programming triggers. You will probably need to learn symbology on your own — and not from a therapist or consultant. You can find some symbology information free on this website and elsewhere on the Internet. An awareness of occult symbology might help you to better identify and stay clear of triggering situations, especially the first year or so after first flooding with memories. You may not always be sure which programming symbols apply to you, but you can start to recognize the triggers over time by staying mindful and by keeping a diary for yourself.
One way that knowledge and awareness of occult symbology can help you is to clear your personal living space from programming-related items that you never noticed before — such as colors, designs, wall hangings, clothing and jewelry. Again, stay mindful of how you feel about certain things. Clearing can take some time and happen in stages. However, as your physical space becomes more clear, you can become more relaxed and better able to focus on healing.
Finding Trusted Assistance
True survivors and trusted allies will probably tell you that healing from RA/MC is almost impossible without assistance or guidance. So, you might want to seek someone you can trust to talk or work with. If you can find a “good,” safe therapist or consultant, it would be best to have that person guide you on this healing journey. With trusted assistance, you will most likely make much faster, safer progress. You can quietly check around to see if you can get confidential referrals to appropriate therapists. But finding a therapist is not as easy as it might sound, especially for RA/MC survivors. It can be difficult to find a therapist who is convenient to you in location, who is willing or able to take on any new clients, who knows about ritual abuse (or is open and willing to learn about it), and/or who is willing to work with a “RA/MC survivor.” And, what can you afford?
Unfortunately, most therapists have never been trained to assist RA/MC survivors. In the past (and even now), therapists and others have been viciously attacked for helping RA/MC survivors. They’ve been purposely intimidated and scared away — even with the threat of lawsuits, as well as physical harm to themselves and/or to members of their families! Consequently, over the many years, many therapists have never even heard of ritual abuse; or they simply discount it as “false memories.” And, treatment for RA/MC is definitely a specialty! Appropriate, successful therapy for RA/MC can actually be quite different (sometimes opposite, in fact) from other therapeutic approaches.
If there is no appropriate therapist available to you locally, what are your options for therapy? In the U.S., you will have difficulty finding licensed therapists who feel they can or are able to provide “distance therapy,” such as via phone or Internet, most especially across State lines. Although distance therapy has become increasingly popular, many licensed therapists are not distance-certified or simply refuse to work by phone or Skype (or something similar), whether you’re in the same State or not. There are very good reasons for licensed therapists to insist on face-to-face therapy, including more effective therapy and better control over patient confidentiality.
So, if licensed therapists are not available to you for whatever reason, then know that there are some excellent “therapists” and “consultants” here and there, who are both experienced and competent with RA/MC. You might be able to meet with them in person, by Skype or even by phone. Again, safe, confidential face-to-face assistance is always best whenever possible.
In other words, finding a good therapist or consultant for assistance with RA/MC issues can be very tricky. Most of the time, the good ones will NOT openly publicize the RA/MC work they do because of the real possibility of harassment, serious character defamation and even physical harm. So, finding a good, legitimate therapist or consultant who can assist with RA/MC many times comes down to quiet “word of mouth.” But, with persistence, it IS possible to find appropriate assistance. For additional thoughts on this, you might read this article, “Evaluating Therapists and Therapy.”
Last, but certainly not least, is the assistance and referrals available to you through safe RA/MC support groups and survivors. You can find a resource list in another posting on this blog. Don’t overlook this invaluable support! If you reach out, you’ll find individuals willing to help, even if it’s just a kind word of encouragement. Although support may be located at a long distance away, that distance can be easily bridged via the Internet or other avenues. Just be cautious to check the legitimacy of individuals and groups, at the same time they may want to check on yours.
The Unmentionables for New Survivors
There are other issues that deserve to be mentioned. They are presented with some hesitation — but also as confirmation to new survivors. These go beyond the profound grief, paralyzing fear and paranoia that you might suddenly find yourself in for at least the first year or so. They go beyond the horrific or mysterious memories (including body memories), visions and dreams that you may be having. And they go beyond the terrible isolation you can feel when you try to develop a new, healthy support system and a new life. These unmentionables are “suicide programming” and “dissociation.”
Let’s start by briefly addressing suicide programming, which is normally “installed” in RA/MC victims. When a certain amount of information becomes conscious to a survivor, that can trigger suicide programming, like a mindless robot. When a survivor overcomes (i.e., lives through) suicidal programming, that will surely bring a reality to the situation, if he / she ever doubted their RA/MC history.
Next, let’s address DID (dissociative identity disorder), which was previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD). Even before you first officially “flooded” with memories and visions, perhaps you realized that you had missing time — maybe even years of missing time. Or, maybe not. You may have also become aware of voices inside your head. You may already know that you cannot account for some unusual things or odd occurrences. Again, maybe not. For most, acknowledgement of DID can equal a “crazy” psych diagnosis that no one wants. So, try not to get sidetracked for very long with the terms “disorder” or “diagnosis.” Instead, it’s best to stay concentrated on positive healing, health and safety. Some think that “disorder” is certainly not the best or most accurate description of this situation for RA/MC victims / survivors anyway.
Other than the betrayal of family and friends, dissociation may be THE toughest thing for survivors to believe that they have. And, it can be tough to understand dissociative identity. This situation is not “crazy.” Dissociation for RA/MC victims / survivors comes from the purposeful “ritual abuse” (torture) by perpetrators, which was SO unbelievably horror-filled that it naturally split the minds of victims so that perpetrators could program the victims and, hence, control them. At the same time, amnesia was created through the walling-off and purposeful creation of parts (alters) within the victims.
So, even if a RA/MC survivor had a normal flow from one part (alter) to another prior to flooding, when he / she first “floods” with memories and starts to awake, there can be noticeable internal chaos. It’s at this point in time that the survivor may suddenly become more aware that he / she is not “together” at times. If this has happened for you, then you’ve become more aware of these different parts of you. And, by the way, they’re not going to go away! They’re parts of you. They also literally saved your life! They have value, and they have very sad stories they need to tell you in order for your healing to happen. For example, when you haven’t felt physical pain on some occasions or remembered periods of lost time, it’s because some of these parts were holding it for you. Although they may not be “on the same page” regarding a particular course of healing, they all want the best for you. They just don’t all have the same definition of “safety” (yet). Different parts can even cause you to temporarily have selective hearing, sight and ability to talk, such as when you meet with a therapist. This is the attempt of some parts to protect and “save” you, even if it looks and feels misguided. All of this can be quite frightening for a new survivor.
Instead of ignoring these parts, you can help bring order out from chaos by learning effective communication with the “internal family.” This communication is critical in order to journey into full healing. This is NOT a fast process, and you may have to learn “good parenting” techniques. But effective communication with parts (alters) is critical for healthy functioning and successful healing. This is where a therapist’s knowledge about RA/MC and DID can guide you through the process by listening to you, answering your questions and helping you to learn strategies for healing.
Some say that healing from RA/MC on your own will probably not happen. Again, it certainly helps to have trusted, safe guidance and assistance. However, know that, as a survivor, your determination to heal and your positive thinking can help you to get through this.
The mind wants to heal; and you actually have internal resources of your own that you can tap into. Pay particular attention to your dreams, as well as to carefully tune in to what might flash across your mind at different times. This information can be confusing and disturbing at times. It can be very helpful to keep a confidential journal or use a recording device to start recording memories and flashes of information, even if the information doesn’t make sense at the time. You don’t need to make any personal judgements about the information — just record them. You don’t even have to share the information with anyone else…. unless you find trusted assistance. You can simply reflect on these dreams and flashbacks later, such as for common themes and helpful information.
Internal avenues for healing include the use of creativity, like art, music, and writing. Remarkable healing of the mind can come from tapping into both sides of the brain through creative expression. Due to RA/MC programming, it can be much easier to engage in non-talk activities rather than to talk aloud about the abuse. Art is known for its healing ability with people with trauma, and collages are a natural art form for RA/MC survivors. Music is very personal and specific to the survivor, so check internally to determine if the music is healing for you. For example, some find that instrumental music is more healing than vocals, such as chimes, piano and flute.
Other healing avenues include:
- play (remember when you were a kid?)
- getting out into nature (such as touching the water, getting some sun, and walking or sitting directly on the earth) and
- body movement (walking, dance and even breathing)
- religion / spirituality (for some survivors, this is their solid foundation and gets them through at least most of this)
If you haven’t ever done some of these in years — or haven’t done them at all — this could be a good time to begin. You might commit to these activities by creating a daily or weekly calendar that you maintain for yourself.
Activities such as the above can actually help you to stabilize and move you forward. However, this “healing” period of time will most likely feel physically and mentally exhausting. So, when you feel tired, listen to your body and get plenty of rest. Try to be around only positive things and positive people. Of course, try to eat in healthy ways. Interestingly, some say that, as you first begin to heal, you may find that you have a special craving for the intake of high protein and fats as your brain starts to create new neural pathways.
Healing IS Possible!
The information in this article is certainly not comprehensive. It does not cover all of the issues. To be honest, healing from RA/MC is not at all an easy or short process. It’s a lot of hard work, and you may be healing for quite a long while. But, it’s possible to find your humor and confidence again. It’s possible to learn and develop a new way of thinking and approaching your life. It’s possible to recognize and acknowledge your “internal family” as absolutely amazing! You can slowly come together as a more unified person, while slowly learning about the horrific stories — but also the talents — that you never knew you had. This is a healing journey.
There are countless RA/MC victims — all over the world! They have different backgrounds and different stories of severe abuse. But, please also know that there are many survivors of RA/MC. You are one of those survivors! (You were always a survivor, even before you started to wake up!) The very nature of your RA/MC history helped you develop hard-earned qualities, such as greater inner strength, resilience, determination and creative resourcefulness. These are some of the very qualities that can now work to your clear advantage and move you forward to healing.
~ M. Menawa