This posting contains graphic details about incest.
“Why did I allow the abuse to continue? Even as a teenager?
Something that had been plaguing me for years now made sense. It was like the answer to a terrible secret. The thing is, it wasn’t me in my bed, it was Shirley who lay there wondering if that man was going to come to her room, pull back the cover and …. … ….. …. … ……. …..” It was Shirley. I remembered watching her, a skinny little thing with no breasts and a dark resentful expression. She was angry. She didn’t want this man in her room doing the things he did, but she didn’t know how to stop it. He didn’t beat her, he didn’t threaten her. He just looked at her with black hypnotic eyes and she lay back …. … …. ….. thinking about nothing at all.
And where was I? I stood to one side, or hovered overhead just below the ceiling, or rode on a magic carpet. I held my breath and watched my father ……. .. … …. …… Shirley’s skinny body.”
“Weird? Absurd? That’s how it seemed to me. I had these forces, these compunctions, these alternative personalities inside me, driving me. It was like being a jack-in-the-box and I was unsure which personality was going to jump out next:
Billy, who thought of himself as a cowboy or a terrorist; Kato the cutter; anorexic Shirley, whose only self-indulgence was binge drinking and the occasional salad sandwich.
I didn’t dislike Shirley. I was afraid of her. Shirley knew things I didn’t.”
~ Today I’m Alice Quotes on Goodreads